I probably had one of the worst weeks of my life last week. I haven't posted about it, not out of laziness, but because I had so many feels I couldn't put them into words. I mentioned in my last post that my boss told me that I would be going to a rural school to help out for a month. He said it on quite short notice, and didn't give me crystal clear instructions on exactly what he wanted me to do. I was nervous, but I got prepared and kind of made my own goals for what I wanted to focus on while I was there. The wife of my boss (their relationship is terrifying, I'll get to that later) gave me more specific instructions that I was to inspect the school and the classes and try to help with any problems that the students were having.
I got there on Sunday night to start the week on Monday, and left on Thursday morning, making my total stay less than four days. "What happened to one month?", you may be asking yourself. No worries, I'll get there. As I said, I was there for four days, and I saw more problems than I thought I could possibly see in a month.
The students don't have toilet paper. Neither the school nor our organization provides it for
them! One of the most basic human sanitation needs is simply not provided to students, but it's okay, because they're "used to it". When I
confronted my boss about it, she got extremely defensive. She said they have
bought toilet paper before, but the students don't use it, or they wasted it,
and so now they won't buy it anymore. The students will buy it for themselves.
With what money? Some of the kids' parents give them 5 yuan every now and then
to buy snacks, but it is very unstable. And most of these kids have either one
or no parents and relatives don't want to waste their money on some other
person's kid.
Another problem: hand-washing and general cleanliness. There are no showers
on the premises of this school. Students are expected to wash their hands and faces in the morning and at night, which is the only time that the water is running besides lunchtime. Which means that during the day, the students have no way of washing their hands after using the bathroom. But that's okay, because they don't wipe anyway right? These kids were filthy. Some of the older grade ones were slightly better, but I was in charge of the third graders during my stay, and I couldn't stand the smell of them after a while. I asked the main manager if they ever showered, and he gave me this long explanation about how they try to twice a week, but there is no hot water, and on some weekend days they go to the river to wash. In the sparkling clean RIVER WATER. So basically I took that as a no, and decided to make them shower on Wednesday afternoon. That way, even though they had to wash with cold water, they would warm up right away because it was so hot outside. Problem solved. So why don't they do it? Since I was in charge of the third graders, I said I was going to help them shower, and after watching them carelessly splash water on their arms for a few minutes, ended up physically washing their bodies for them because they were so filthy. I took their towels and scrubbed layers of dirt off them, and the water used was all brown by the time I was done.
Another problem: the teachers smoke in front of the students. But again, it's okay, because the students are "used to it". They're also used to their parents smoking and dying of lung cancer, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing. I started asking people to stop smoking whenever I saw a cigarette, and I freaked out when I saw some middle school kids smoking behind the school one day. I may have gone overboard, because I made one of them cry, but I had to do something! I mentioned it to the head manager later, and I think that was the first time he considered sending me home.
On Tuesday morning, I was at the school store seeing what they sold, when a man walked up behind me to buy a pack of cigarettes. I asked him if he was a teacher at the school, and he said yes and that he was about to start class (the bell had rang ten minutes before) and would I care to watch his class. I thought he was acting sort of strange, and asked him if he had been drinking. He said yes, and I asked if he was still planning on teaching while drunk. The store-owner jokingly said that the teacher was a descendant of Libai (a Chinese artist famous for working while drunk) and so it didn't matter. They laughed about it, and I attended the class of a drunk man, in which he said nothing of substance and stumbled around like an idiot most of the time. Afterwards, I spoke to the head manager, and his first reaction was to laugh before he realized how angry I was. While he went to speak to the principle for me, the teacher came into the office and asked me how I thought his class was. I blew up at him a little bit and told him that this was the most unprofessional thing I have ever seen, and that he should be ashamed of himself for being such a horrible example to the students. He pulled me aside and told me all about how he had tested second on the exam to become a teacher in the region, and that this was just the way China is, and there was no way to change it, it was unavoidable. Hey well I think I have a solution that might work, guy. Don't do it! Don't drink and then come to school. It's as simple as that. You do not have to participate in the customs that keep your culture from progressing, you have the power to change a culture because you have the power to change yourself, and you choose not to. I was beside myself, and I think he finally got the message. In the end, the principal suspended him for a week without pay. I honestly don't think any action would have been taken if I hadn't been there. Nobody would have even noticed that he was drunk, or ten minutes late for all of his classes. So many things go unnoticed or aren't considered important here.
I would like to point out that I realize that I have absolutely no tact. My boss told me to inspect the school and find the problems, and I did. I am blunt, I am straightforward. It's usually something I like about myself, I am a problem solver, and to solve problems, you first have to find them and admit that you have them. That got me in trouble here. I think I spoke way too quickly and insulted the teachers at the school. It makes sense that they were insulted, but that still doesn't make it okay. They are cowards, and don't care about what they are doing. They are supposed to be helping the poor children of the region, and all their "help" is is making sure they eat enough and whipping them when they step out of line. They literally have a whip.
On Tuesday evening, a news report came out about basically how crappy the education is in the county I was in. I don't know what the big deal was, because it's kind of obvious that there is a huge problem. But from what I gather, the education department got pissed after they saw the news, and my organization had neglected to register my presence at the school with the education department. So they were afraid that they would find out that I was there without permission, and get mad at my organization. I still don't know for sure, nobody would explain the situation to me fully. But on Wednesday evening, my boss called me and told me I was going home. I told her that I respected that, but I really felt that I should stay because there was still a lot that I had to do here. She responded: I don't care what you feel, you are my employee and you are coming back tomorrow morning. So that was that. I was crying I was so angry. The problems here are engrained in the system. The education department gets mad about a news article saying there's a problem? They should be putting out their best efforts to fix the problem, not getting rid of the people trying their best to solve it. In China, as long as everything looks decent on the surface, nothing gets done. I can't count how many times I heard "没办法“ - there's no solution, or "习惯了” - we're used to it, while I was at the school.
Before I came home, I called my Chinese teacher back in Nanjing for some advice about how to handle things with my boss because I was so angry. She said that I shouldn't bring it up, and to just go about my work as usual. What? This was a really big deal to me, and I wanted to know why I was being taken away from the kids so early. But in China, there is no communication within an office. No wonder nothing ever gets done! People take their orders and follow them like gophers and clock out at five, not caring whether or not they got anything worthwhile done that day. And I am sick of it. Sick of this messed up place, and sick of not being able to get through to anyone. Sick of feeling inexperienced and that nothing I do matters. I had heard of this Chinaness before, but now after working here I know how bad it is. When I got back to the office, my boss gave me no word of explanation, not even a welcome back, just new assignments. I'm pretty close to giving up, which is something I don't do very often. This place has drained me of my drive, and right now all I want to do is go home.
I had been planning on going to Chengdu that weekend, and I figured I should still go even though I was upset, to take my mind off of everything. It was really nice. I have awesome friends there that let me stay with them. And I stuffed my face with burgers and Frappuccinos the whole time. While I was waiting for the train to Chengdu, I ran into a French guy and almost had a panic attack because he was the only white person I have ever seen in this place besides Monica. I sat next to him and forced him to be my friend. While we waited together, we were approached by an Yi man who spoke to us and I translated for Colin (cool French guy). The man told us that he did business all over Guangzhou and Shanghai. I asked him what he did and he was reluctant to tell me at first, but I got out of him that he was a drug dealer. After I finished freaking out that he was somehow going to force heroin into my body and sell me into slavery, I told him that he was a bad person and ruined people's lives and should find a new job. He smiled and nodded and "oh yes of course I will do that"-ed me. And this just sort of added to my apathy. Maybe he actually will find a new job. Let's hope so.
So that was a HUGE vent sesh. Does anyone have any advice for me? I literally have no will to be here anymore. There's some lesson to learn from this, I think. Just need to put some distance between myself and the situation to find what it is.
Thanks for being better than China, America. People in America, stop complaining about America. It could be a hecka lot worse.
Bye bye for now
China pic of the day: iPheno is an awesome new brand.
